


What should have been

by Laurie wonders (Laurie1621), Laurie1621



Series: Is this still a tragedy? [4]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018), The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries & Related Fandoms, The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Vikings, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bad Decisions, Bad Parenting, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Cute Kids, Esther loved her children, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Historical, Historical Fantasy, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical References, Human Mikaelsons, Human!Elijah, Human!Mikael, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inspired by The Originals (TV), M/M, Mikael and Esther were good parents, Mikael loved Klaus, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Protective Klaus Mikaelson, Redemption, Redemption Mikael, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Mikaelsons deserve love, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Tragedy, Vikings, human! Kol, human! Rebekah, human!klaus, in this story, mikael apologizes, mikael is a good father
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26283262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurie1621/pseuds/Laurie%20wonders, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurie1621/pseuds/Laurie1621
Summary: A collection of flashbacks and memories of the Mikaelson Family.The memories Esther tried to forget.The memories Mikael drank away.The memories Klaus, Elijah, Rebekah, Kol and Finn needed to begin healing their hearts.The memories Esther and Mikael stole from their children.The happy days they almost had.The apologies they deserved, but never remembered.All the love the Mikaelsons were forsaken...until they remembered.But does knowing makes the pain go away?
Relationships: Ansel/Esther Mikaelson, Ayana Bennett & Henrik Mikaelson, Ayana Bennett & Kol Mikaelson, Elijah Mikaelson & Esther Mikaelson, Elijah Mikaelson & Klaus Mikaelson & Rebekah Mikaelson, Elijah Mikaelson/Tatia, Esther Mikaelson & Henrik Mikaelson, Esther Mikaelson & Klaus Mikaelson, Esther Mikaelson & Tatia, Klaus Mikaelson/Mikael/Rebekah Mikaelson, Marcel Gerard/Elijah Mikaelson/Finn Mikaelson/Klaus Mikaelson/Kol Mikaelson/Rebekah Mikaelson, Mikael & Elijah Mikaelson, Mikael & Klaus Mikaelson, Mikael/Esther Mikaelson
Series: Is this still a tragedy? [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913977
Kudos: 8





	1. Part one: Esther

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the series   
> “Is this still a tragedy?”  
> But you don’t have to read anything else to get this story.
> 
> Please comment your thoughts:)

After Esther had linked all her children together in a spell that would later cost them their lives, she started to wonder about her family's tragedies...when had it all began…Was it kissing Ansel? Keeping Niklaus? Lying to Mikael? Ignoring the madness in her husband’s eyes? Dismissing Mikael’s pleads when he told her he was losing his mind? Did it being when he begged her to stop him from becoming a monster…and she didn’t listen?

  
Some glasses of wine later, her mind floated through the memories of her children...their births, laughs, fights,sorrows...

  
In the end, she decided to tell them the truth about the past, since she could not tell them her terrible plans for the their future....Esther decided to give her children back the memories Mikael and her saw fit to steal from them.  
She knew it would change everything for them. But she could not bring herself to go forward with her plans without telling her children the truth. And yet she knew: her family's tragedy would still be a tragedy even if their children knew how much their parents loved them...


	2. Fearful Remembrance

_The spell had worked. Her children were connected as one._

“Is it done?” Finn asked as the paper with their names burned on the table

“Yes.” Esther glanced at her eldest son. He smiled at her reassuringly. Yet, she felt as though her heart was being cut by knives.

“Are you alright, mother? You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” Finn inquired nervously.

“No,” she responded promptly. “No. Of course not.” She signed deeply. “ I’m just tired…” she smiled softly at him. “I think we both should rest now….”

“Of course, mother…” Finn muttered softly.

“And Finn,” Esther called abruptly as her son opened the door to leave. “Tell your siblings I want to talk to them all tomorrow morning…” he nodded solemnly and closed the door behind him.

Esther was left alone in the candle lit room. Still, she could feel a familiar presence, still lurking behind her. She looked around the room, hoping she would see the spirit of her friend Ayana. Esther wished her dearest mentor would appear and guide her with reassuring words. She needed Ayana to tell her that she was doing the right thing by stealing her children’s lives.

But no spirits appeared to help her with her doubts. Though, the presence remained. It painfully reminded her of Mikael.

As she wandered through the room, a cup in her hand, she thought about him. She briefly considered bringing her husband to be the one to kill their children. She knew the White Oak Stake would not have killed him definitively, but she thought it would take more time for him to come back. Part of her wished Mikael hadn’t wasted all of the remaining white oak stakes by trying to kill himself repeatedly through the centuries. Though, she thought it so very noble of him, to always try to choose death over another day harming their children ….It reminded her of the stubborn and tender man he used to be; the man she had fallen desperately in love with, the man that would have carved his heart out if it meant his family would be safe and happy. Oh, how she had loved him when he still believed in happiness...

And, yet, Esther had overheard Klaus talking to a young woman. He told her about his father’s cruelty throughout the years. Esther felt her heart sinking in her chest as she heard the woman tell her son:

“I get it….because your father didn’t love you, you assume no one ever will… That’s why you scare people and try to compel them to like you or buy them! But that’s not how it works!”

_Oh if only Klaus knew just how much Mikael loved him…_

Either way…it would be too cruel (to both of them) to have Mikael be the one to kill Klaus. So the idea soon left her. She would fine another way to do it. A kinder way, if there could be such a thing.

As Esther sat down on the sofa and felt her body relaxing, she found that she could not take her mind away from Mikael and her memories of him … she tried fighting the urge to relive them, all their happy moments and all their sins and tragedies… but soon she gave in…Esther stared at the burning fireplace as her mind was pulled into the past…


	3. The first signs of change or the runway Viking

No matter what she did, after she overheard the conversation between Klaus and Caroline, Esther could not stop thinking about the first time Mikael ever hit Niklaus…

Esther had seen Mikael yelling with his men, commanding respect and order before. He was rarely physical with his men, but his posture frightened them. Though, she never thought he looked angry when he gave orders. Not even when he yelled them amidst the battle. It was never rage or hatred that filled his voice. It was determination.

But his eyes held a different and dreadful light when he screamed at their children. Over the years, she learned to identify said light when it passed through his eyes. She knew what would happen long before he moved.

Only many years later, after he told her the truth, and just before her death, she understood what it really meant. And it broke her heart.

It happened in a spring afternoon.

Mikael had gone off to battle long before the children awoke. She didn’t recall the reason for the fight. He rarely mentioned such things to her. But at the time, she thought it must have something to do with their new village: lands and territories and so on…She only knew the battle was close to sea. Though, she did not remember mentioning it to their children.

Niklaus was no older than seven years old….

Klaus wanted Mikael to take him to battle. Her husband laughed sweetly and told Niklaus he wasn’t old enough yet, while gently messing with his son’s hair.

This happened a few days before the actual incident. Esther and Mikael thought little of it. They knew their boy was stubborn, but they thought he would have forgotten about it when time came. At worst, Esther thought Klaus would stay resentfully waiting for his father. And she knew Mikael could win his son’s affections again quite easily. All Mikael had to do for Klaus to forgive him was bring some berries back home and let Klaus sit on his lap as he painted passages from his father’s stories.

So Esther did not worry much about her son and went about her day, as she worried tremendously for her husband’s safety.

But Klaus was more stubborn than they anticipated. He secretly followed his father’s men into the battle field. Niklaus hid behind trees and shields; he looked for his father desperately as he clung to a piece of cloth, which he had used to make a painting with berries for Mikael. It was supposed to bring his father good luck. Thinking Mikael would be happy to see him, Klaus strolled along into the middle of the fight. But as bloody dripped from all sides, tainting everything, and as men fell dead around him, Niklaus cried desolately for his father .

Mikael was in the midst of a ferocious fight against three other men, when he heard his terrified son calling for him. Mikael rushed to Niklaus’ side, feeling his heart crawling out of hi mouth and all the air in the world deserting his lungs. He was almost torn apart while trying to reach his son. Mikael dropped his shield and sword, took Klaus into his arms and ran home…

That was the first and only time her husband ever left any battle before it was over….

When he arrived, Mikael was so flustered he could barely explain what had happened. He laid Klaus on his bed and watched nervously as Esther examined him.

When she turned to him smiling and said:

“He is alright, Mikael… not a single scratch!” Her husband almost fell down to his knees in relief. His legs were visibly shaking and his chest went up and down roughly.

She told him to sit down and let her take care of his wounds, but he refused.

“I have to get back!” He kept saying, too angry and flustered to even bother taking his blood stained hair off his face.

Then Niklaus started crying. “Stay, father! Stay!” He said throwing himself over Mikael and hugging his father’s waist tightly. “I don’t want you to go out! Please!”

Mikael mouth twitched slightly and a strange light passed through his eyes. Esther thought he would hug their son. Just as he had done so many times before when one of their children cried. She was sure he would have done so, if Niklaus had asked him to stay before Mikael had left for war. But their little boy had wandered off; he had been foolish and he didn’t listen to his father. She knew Mikael could not accept such a thing. Niklaus had made a terrible mistake, which could have cost him his life. Esther knew, at that moment, her husband’s mind were filled with images of their son’s dead body. Mikael could not possibly hug Niklaus. Just as Mikael could not think rationally whenever it seemed he could lose one of this children.

Mikael grabbed his son’s arms and pulled him away from him. Niklaus let out a scared groan as Mikael leaned down to look at his son’s face. Still tightly holding his son’s arms, Mikael’s face, usually kind and loving, was contorted into an enraged expression. The blood he had on his face and hair making him all the more terrifying to Niklaus.

“What the bloody hell were you thinking, boy?” He yelled, shaking Niklaus. “Do you have any idea what you just did? How foolish that was?” Klaus quietly began to cry again, staring desperately at his father’s shoes. “Look at me!”

“I just wanted to be with you!” Niklaus blurted out, a sob cutting his breath.

Esther thought it would end there. Mikael’s eyes shined brightly with tears, just as Niklaus’ did. She thought that if anyone could convince Mikael to leave a battle field and stay away from it, it would be their little Klaus.

Mikael soften his grip of his son’s arms slowly and his lips trembled briefly.

“You could have been torn apart! It was foolish, Niklaus!” He said bitterly, his voice still trembling with worry. “You are foolish!” His son avoids his eyes. Rage deformed Mikael’s face once more. “Do you want to die? Do you, boy?” He shouts shaking Niklaus again. “Answer me!” Klaus shook his head desperately. “Then do as I bloody tell you, boy!” He shouted. “You are to stay here. And not do anything foolish!” He commanded. “Do you understand?” He tighten his grip around his son’s arms. Klaus groaned and nodded hesitantly. Mikael sighed resentfully and let go of Klaus.

Niklaus stared tearfully at his father. Mikael breathed roughly, feeling both anger and sorrow making his chest heavy. He turned to leave the hut when Klaus jumped on him again, grabbing his hand.

“Stay! Just stay! Please!” Niklaus yelled between sobs.

Esther was shocked when she heard the dry pitched sound of Mikael’s hand hitting Niklaus’ cheek.

Their son fell down. Mikael almost fell beside him when he realized what he had done. Niklaus cried quietly now, scared to look up to his father. If he had, however, he would have found that Mikael was crying with him.

Mikael looked terrified and uncertain. In his mind, he tried to decide what to do. Should he do as he wanted: kneel down in front of his son, beg for forgiveness and stay; or should he do what was proper (what his father would have done) and run to battle?

“Watch him…” Mikael muttered to Esther before he left again. He ran to battle, half expecting someone would run a blade through his chest for the sin he had committed.

For years, she wondered why she never did anything to stop Mikael when he got like this. In the end, the only answer she could find was that she never thought he would hit them. In fact, he rarely did and it never left a mark. Mikael would mostly yell, push them against walls or trees, and, at worst, slap them across the face. He always said he needed them to listen to him, to learn, otherwise they would die. A dreadful shadow always passed over his face when he said something like that and Esther knew he was remembering their Freya.

He tried to reason his actions to his children, but she knew he did not believe a single word he said. When he yelled with them, he was not himself. And he knew it.

His eyes changed so much, his face contorted with anger: he looked like a completely different man than the one she had married. But she still loved him. And she wanted to believe he was still the stubborn fool she fell in love with. She knew, with the father he had, Mikael could have being the worst type of monster…But, for all his severity, he wasn’t. She only wished he wasn’t so harsh on them…

Still, even if Mikael did not beat his children as Esther knew his father had beaten him, he was still his father’s son. And his mere presence, even when he was calm, terrified their children to their bones. Niklaus in particular.

Klaus always cried after his father screamed at him. Even when he got older, though then, he would always try to hide away before the tears started falling. Mikael might not even had touched Niklaus, but his father harsh words always made him crying himself to sleep.

Mikael always made sure to listen when his children cried. Even when the crying had nothing to do with him. When it did, though, he would try to punish himself somehow. He would eat less every time he yelled. When he grabbed or pushed them, he would go hunting as soon as he could, then came back with food for a festival and wounds to show for as punishment.

She worriedly waited for Mikael all day long after he left. Niklaus stared longingly (and perhaps a bit resentfully, Esther thought) at his father’s chair. Her boy would jump up every time he heard the door opening. Elijah and Rebekah tried to distract him, but they themselves were nervous about their father. The day was difficult, but the night was worst. Night had already fallen and her children were refusing to go to sleep. She thought they would drive her mad. Esther thanked all and every God for Finn and Ayana’s help that night. But, even after all the others were fast asleep, Niklaus still stared at the door with shiny eyes. She was glad to all the Gods when tiredness won him over.

Esther did not know, if had Mikael walked through the door while their son glanced at it desperately, whether Niklaus would throw himself in his father’s arms (as he always did) or if he would hide away under the bed. When Mikael arrived, late that night, Esther realized he had been asking himself the same question. And was terrified of the answer.

Esther was sitting on their bed, brushing her hair , when Mikael walked in quietly. Her eyes followed him as he wandered to their children’s beds. Mikael gazed sorrowfully at their sleeping faces. He shyly leaned in and kissed all their foreheads.

When he arrived next to Niklaus’ bed, a sob cut his breath as he knelt next to his sleeping son. Mikael laid a piece of cloth, which he had used to wrap something next to his son’s pillow. He brought Klaus more berries, for sure, Esther remembered thinking.

Her husband softly touched their son’s face before kissing his forehead. Mikael stood there, lingering in pain, smiling shyly at his children. He marched quietly away from them, his head hanging low as he sat next to his wife.

Esther painfully remembered how long it was before she wrapped her arms around Mikael. She hadn’t realized he was crying until his entire body shook violently with quiet sobs. She help him desperately as he had done for her when she told him their daughter had died. Esther was as sorrowfully quiet as he had been, when Mikael muttered desolately:

_“What have I done? I’m a monster! I’m sorry…oh Odin…I don’t deserve you…them…forgive me…Gods, what have I done…”_

His words cut through her. But she could not find any words of her own. After a time, she was almost glad when his voice became an incomprehensible whisper.

Still, Esther never told him…she could never think of something to say to him.

Mikael had found words to ease the pain of their daughter’s loss, later on. He had been strong and tender. He made her heart feel lighter, if ever so slightly. Even if he did not know what blame she held for the loss of their daughter…he could still have blamed her. But he did not. Mikael almost always managed to make her smile. He would bent over to do so. And she loved him more for it.

But she never did the same for him…not until the very end and even so…Perhaps that was part of their tragedy…

**Author's Note:**

> And yes I know I’m like six years late in this fandom, but what the hell. I wanna write this and it’s gonna be long. 
> 
> Criticism and comments are very appreciate! 
> 
> Also English isn’t my first language, but I tried to keep the spelling mistakes to a minimum. I appreciate comments with tips as well.


End file.
